Best Divorce Letter Ever!!!


Best Divorce Letter Ever!!! 
Dear wife: 

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. 
I've been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. 
These last 2 weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you 
quit your job today & that was the last straw. 
Last week, you came home & didn't even notice I had a new haircut, had 
cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. 
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of 
your soaps. 
You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything 
that connects us as husband & wife. Either you're cheating on me or 
you don't love me anymore; whatever! the case, I'm gone. 

Your EX-Husband 
P.S. don't try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West 
Virginia together! 
Have a great life! 
--------------------------------------
Dear Ex-Husband 

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true you 
& I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from 
what you've been. 
I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & 
griping. Too bad that doesn't work. 
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that 
came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised 
me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't 
comment. 
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused 
with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. 
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 
price tag was still on them, & ; I prayed it was a coincidence that my 
sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. 
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it 
out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my 
job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you 
were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope 
you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that 
the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take 
care. 
Signed, 
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free! 

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was 
born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

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